Often times it is hard to understand how a lady or gentleman can command such respect from others when it seems that all they do is talk and eat crumpets all day.
In fact when I mentioned that I was doing a section on the rules of being a lady or gentleman on my blog I was told “the era of the gentleman was a time when ‘gentlemen’ sat on their duffs and shared brandy all day.”
I don’t agree, however I do recognise that there are some subtle exchanges between ladies and gentlemen give signals to what kind of character you really are.
These secrets of the past sneak past the boastful undercarriage of social interaction and speak to us directly to the brain. They tell whoever sees you that you are confident, caring and consciensious of not only yourself but the world around you.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words. When you look the part of a civilized person and then you don’t act like it you are on the fast track to show people what your character is really like. If you want to play a character who comes across as civilized then you need to act like it – it really is that simple.
One way to demonstrate that you are a lady or gentleman would be to pay attention to your attire when you sit down. A woman should always pull her skirt under her legs, and always sit with their legs together or crossed legged.
A gentleman should sit with his legs together and a straight back to show composure and control. Truthfully it’s all about showing that you are composed and aware of your state of being whether sitting, standing or laying down.
Also, you should be aware of what you are eating and the way that you eat it. A lady never over-indulges in food or drink as it shows a lack of self control – not to mention that bring drunk has never served a Lady well.
A gentleman could do well to follow a lady’s example in ways of food and wine however men often get away with a ‘hearty appetite’ to help them be ‘brave, and strong.’ This isn’t something that I condone but it has certainly been acceptable in the past.
A lot of the times it isn’t how much you are eating but the way in which you are dining. Eating at a steady and controlled pace shows that you have self control. To be honest I have often found that when a Lady in my company polishes off her plate I am impressed!
One way to achieve a steady pace and show control is to ensure that you only put as much food on your fork or spoon as you can fit into your mouth comftorably. If you have to streach your lips or your cheeks buldge while you are chewing then your ‘bite’ of food is now an unsightly mouthful.
Once you have finished eating the likeliness of some gas occurring is almost inevitable. A lady or gentleman never burps or passes gas in public.
Simply excuse yourself from the company you are keeping and seek a more discreet location to relieve the pressure. I would suggest such places as the rest room where you can make a polite excuse to leave and no one will think anything of it.
If Words Are The Way Then Choose Them Wisely. We use words to communicate every day and it has become commonplace for many of us to say whatever comes to our mind.
It is the gift and burden that we carry from having the freedom to speak in a democratic society however what you say and how you say it are crucial to showing that you carry yourself with grace and elegance.
Always speak in soft or moderate tones; you should never have to raise your voice. Often the environment can get loud or the person you are speaking with won’t listen unless you speak forcefully.
Accept that there are certain times that it isn’t worth the effort to try to break through the noise of the crowd or catch someone’s attention. Chances are even if you do they aren’t listening anyhow.
Take into consideration how it sounds when someone speaks but doesn’t have something good to say. Depending on what is said it can be absent minded, rude, boorish, or snobbish. A person of character would never put themself into this position.
Take to heart the expression ‘if you have nothing good to say then don’t say anything at all.’ As a part of that expression a person of character never demeans themself by cursing. It is rude and reflects poorly on both your character and manners.
When you say something be sure that you have something to say. It is always a pleasure when you are interacting with someone and they have a clue as to what you are talking about – or better yet a valuable opinion!
Anyone can have an opinion but when you back it up with knowledge of the circumstances then your opinion becomes valuable to the conversation. A well placed point of view can keep a discussion lively for quite a while without any further effort on your part.
Both of these topics could take many editions of many manuals to cover but I think that it is important to mention them on our journey to exploring the various rules and nuances required to help identify a character that is a distinguished lady or gentleman.
All the best in your future LARP endeveours,
Kevin Tjia
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